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How to Help Someone Grieving at Christmas
Holidays are usually a time of friendship, family, and fun but for bereaved families, it can also be a difficult time of year that accentuates the loss of someone in their lives who passed away. How someone handles grief can evolve over time and change depending on their environment. Attending celebrations and seeing joy during a special time of year can make those that are grieving feel overwhelmed during the winter months.
Interacting with someone who experienced loss during the holidays can also be unsettling. You might not know what to say and how to address their loss, or you might experience feelings of guilt for enjoying the holiday. We gathered some tips from people that have experienced grieving at Christmas, who could tell us what they wish other people knew.
5 Pieces of Advice from Those Who Experienced Grief During Christmas
- People want to remember their loved ones, so it’s okay to talk about the deceased. Sharing fond memories or reminiscing over memorable moments can be a nice way to incorporate a lost loved one into the holidays.
- Don’t tell a griever what they need. Friends and family usually try to tell a griever what's going to be good for them. We know they mean well, but that doesn't mean it will come across that way. Instead, ask a griever what they need.
- One minute you will be fine, the next you will be sad. If a griever opts out of holiday activities, give them grace and understanding. Even normal activities can be taxing; or beneficial. Grief will affect each person differently.
- The way others want to spend the holiday may not be how the grieving want to spend it. Grief comes in stages and appears differently for everyone. If someone needs space, give them room and understand that they may not be ready to face the holidays with others.
- Gifts are nice but not necessary. Small gestures can be just as meaningful. Send texts, emails, call or even give a handwritten note. These small moments can bring light during a time of darkness.
Tips on Hosting the Bereaved at Christmas
When the holidays are punctuated with the painful reminder that someone we love is not around to share the experience, it can be difficult to find joy in the moment. While those that surround a grieving person can’t make the pain of loss disappear, they can bring comfort with the right level of sensitivity. We spoke with psychologist Taylor Anderson of Carolina Therapy Solutions, on how to approach easing others' grief during Christmas and the holiday season. Here were some of her tips.
“Grief is a lonely process. Let your loved one know you are there for them to listen and support. Check-in on that person and let them know you are thinking of them. Having a strong support system is important during the grieving process but allows the grieving person to lead instead of assuming what they need or want. You may assume the person wants to be near other people, but they may need time alone. Though you are well-intentioned, it is best to ask what is best for them as they process their grief.”
Dr. Anderson also advised that if you’re spending the holidays with someone who is grieving, “Acknowledge the loss. Avoidance can prolong the grief process. It is helpful to the person grieving to acknowledge the grief process, the person being grieved, and the emotions experienced. This can be done in a toast, by simply using the person’s name who passed, or holding a conversation about the loss. You can share a fond memory of the loved one who passed. It is helpful for those grieving to remember the person they lost in a positive light, so sharing a happy memory is a gentle way to remember them.”
If you’re grieving this Christmas, we haveanother article that offers advice from a therapist on ways to make the holidays a little easier.
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