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Observing Bereaved Parents Month
If you or someone you're close to has lost a child, you know that grief doesn't fit neatly on a calendar. Every day can be a struggle to come to terms with life without a child, and that's exactly why the month of July has been designated Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. It's important for those who haven't suffered the loss to become aware of those who have, to know where to find resources to assist them, and to learn what to say to a grieving parent. So, we've put together an introduction to Bereaved Parents Month with the hope that it will be of use year-round.
What Is a Bereaved Parent?
The dictionary.com definition of "bereaved" is "greatly saddened at being deprived by death of a loved one," so a bereaved parent is a person who has lost a child to death. There is an old saying that no parent should have to bury their child. The pain is unimaginable, and it doesn't fade quickly.
How to Help a Grieving Parent
Keep in mind there is no set timeline for dealing with grief. Some parents may start to recover from the worst symptoms in months, but for others it may take years. The best way to help parents who have lost a child is to let them know you are there for them when they need you. Whether you simply act as a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen, run errands for them to lighten the load, or help with meals, offering your presence will mean a lot to them.
If they're open to it, you may also want to offer advice like where to find additional support. While there are many ways to work through the process of grief, one of the healthiest is to see a grief counselor. Others include group therapy, reading books about grief, and listening to podcasts on the subject. We've put together a collection of grief resources for anyone who is grieving, but grieving parents may also be interested in organizations like Bereaved Parents of the USA and the COPE Foundation, two nonprofits dedicated specifically to the support of bereaved parents.
What to Say When Someone Loses a Child
It's normal to be at a loss for words after a friend or family member loses their child. The natural response for many people is to avoid the conversation altogether, but at the very least, you can simply say, "I'm sorry for your loss." Those words can feel cliché in the midst of tragedy, though, so here are a few other things you can say if you feel them in your heart:
- How can I help you right now?
- What do you need in this moment?
- I'm here when you need me.
- Allow me to do something for you.
You may have noticed that these phrases are all about action. Parents who have suffered a recent loss may need immediate assistance with everyday activities such as preparing meals, paying bills, or going to the store. They may also need help with planning funeral arrangements or communicating the loss to others. Offering an extra set of hands, a caring heart, and a little extra time when they need it most will be more helpful than you realize. At the same time, don't be too pushy and respect their privacy if being left alone for a while is what they prefer.
Finding the right words to comfort a grieving mother and father can be tricky if you're sending a message of sympathy from a distance. You may not be able to be physically beside them in their time of grief, but you can still offer condolences and emotional support. If it feels appropriate, remind them not to blame themselves for their loss (because survivor's guilt is a very real thing). Let them know how much the child meant to you and your family, or share a favorite memory that will always bring a smile to your face.
Keep in mind that there will always be triggers that bring grief back to the surface, even years later. From birthdays and holidays to random memories that come seemingly out of nowhere, those feelings can return at any time. The key is to acknowledge them, accept them, release them, and be patient with each other.
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